Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
