I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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