it's like iHOP with fire
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
