so that wasnt chicken after all
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
