I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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