I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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