Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
