I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
