well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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