Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
