i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your cock deserves a montage
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
