I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my being single is dangerous.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your penis caused this!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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