I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
