singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
