WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
