Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
