pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
