..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
