my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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