To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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