I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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