i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
