I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
