Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
