I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
