I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
