she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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