Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
