On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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