I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
