I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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