her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
