This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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