I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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