He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
