Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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