carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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