just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize