just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
