420 ftw
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
