I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
