we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
