I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
