My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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