i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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