I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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