And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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