please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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