rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
