Sry I called you an 8
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
