So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
