I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
