I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he fucked my hip out of place.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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