When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
