...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
