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If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
