id be glad to
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
