Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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