just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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