it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
