So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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