I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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