someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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