i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
