Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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