glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
