i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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