arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
