sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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