Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
