look no pants
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
