can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
