The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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