On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
