Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
