haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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