It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
