i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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