His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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