The maid of honor just puked.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
