I love black thongs
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
